xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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