At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
