69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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