listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
