I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
