I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
