You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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