Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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