I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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