All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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