I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
