If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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