"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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