the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
