Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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