you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Houston, we have a blender
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
