Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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