dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
one might say we're banned from that church
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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