Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
