Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
