at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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