Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
