omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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