dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
