Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
