based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
