Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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