I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my shit smells like andre
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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