my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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