I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
