my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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