I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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