Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
high people should be assigned attendants
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
