walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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