Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
