Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
