I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
