Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
