I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i out mim tonsoeep
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