my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
