I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
