On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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