my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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