my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
