I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
