I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
