I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
