jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
