bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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