my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
