Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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