i jhust puked up my retainher.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
