hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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