She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want her autograph on my taint
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
