You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
