We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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