I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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