Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
