my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
