he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
