quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
