"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
