She's JV to your varsity
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
