He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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