i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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