you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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