i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
