Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
