I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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