A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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