I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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