Plan B is the new Plan A
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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