ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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