dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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