Can i not drive my cunt home
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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