There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
